The intuitive process that created “My Companion”

A few months ago, when Winter was still here on Muwekma Ohlone country, I was in my studio with a heavy heart. The heaviness was for the world - war, pain, death, injustice and some challenging changes in our household. The pandemic raged and folks back home dealt with relentless flooding, a reminder of the environmental crises. 

In those heavy moments - moments that can roll into heavy years or lifetimes for many - solidarity and connection really matter. Participating in art and arts-informed activities is one way to meet that moment. Indeed, throughout history and across the globe, art has been a forum for connection, narrativization, self-determination and well-being. Art can itself be an act of love, resistance and joy. 

It is in this spirit that I share the process I followed for creating “My Companion”. By meeting that moment of heaviness in my studio with art, this horse emerged onto the paper before me, as though our hearts and minds merged while my companion came to be. 

To begin, the priority was play with mark-making

I responded to the white substrate playfully, one mark at a time, until the whole surface was covered. Marks of any kind, made by any tool, including my hands.

These early stages of intuitive painting are so exciting; there is no ‘wrong’ move. The compass is ‘What do I like? What feels energizing?’ - and then seek to do more of that. This image shows the second layer. 

I painted each layer with curiosity

As I layered and layered the marks, I entertained scenes that peeked from the paint. For example, when I turned the paper a particular way, I could see a squirrel just like the one that buzzes about my courtyard!

This phase requires sensitivity and embracing curiosity in order to release control over how it evolves and its pace. It is tempting at this stage to define the painting as something too soon, instead of resting with it and allowing it to be. 

I then clarified what I felt called to be the focus

Through play and noting what marks and directions felt like a ‘yes’, I found a horse in the paint. The next layers were clarifying, exploring where and how the horse would be.

This stage is delicate and challenging for me because my mind often wants to take over to complete the painting. Thankfully, tapping into soul tugs is a practice where perfection is irrelevant. Besides, perfection is boring. 

The horse’s character then showed itself 

Over more layers using a credit card, pallet knives, brushes, a stick and my fingers, the scene and mood of the horse emerged.

In this phase, the heaviness, courage and wonder I saw in the world weighed heavily on my heart.  

The horse then completed its becoming

As I allowed myself to feel and connect with what was presenting, the horse completed its becoming.

The horse really did feel like it had come to life, so to speak, to meet the world as our companion for this moment, to share its wisdom, grace, power, spirit and sensitivity.

I hope sharing this horse’s process of becoming may inspire you to (continue to) play and relate with your own desires and joy in creative ways. 

Because connecting and re-membering our deepest desires and joy is as urgent as any other pressing task on that to-do list for today. This is about an ethics of accompaniment to each other, our kin and ourselves - not blaming, controlling, monetizing or distracting from the deepest truths we hold and share. I’m talking about a joy comprising love and solidarity. 

How are you staying connected to your deepest desires and joy? I would love to know and I invite you to comment below. 

Acknowledgement

My gratitude to artist Jennie Bell, my mum, for teaching me how to paint intuitively, which at its most fundamental has been about teaching me to listen to my own voice.