Learning to say no (even when you doubt yourself)

Creative LeadershipLife CoachingCreativity tips and exercises
Written By Karen McPhail-Bell
 

TL;DR:

  • Saying no is hard but necessary.

  • Fear/FOMO distorts reality, confusing possibility with probability. Protecting your energy and creative clarity is a leadership move.

  • Clarity is kind: Use body cues, flip the yes, and craft a compassionate “no” to stay aligned with what matters most, without burning out.

 

Over and over again I questioned myself. I had finally crafted my ‘no’ response but hovered over the ‘send’ button.

I knew deep in my bones that I needed to say no, but the relationships and opportunities tied to the ‘yes’ meant I questioned myself, day after day.

I kept asking, could I ‘make this work’? How could I do it in a way that didn’t compromise my physical, emotional and business needs?

I was afraid of saying no… what if this opportunity would change everything? I care deeply about my work and those around me. I want to be taken seriously and uplift others in how I work. I don’t want to let my peers down.

This is how fear works. It conflates possibility with probability.

But your yes doesn’t need to cost you.

The core truth for me was that this opportunity was a diversion and would require me to contort and leak my energy and direction.

I’ve ‘made things work’ enough times in my life to learn that sometimes the right path is the simpler one:

  • We don’t have to earn our belonging through chronic exhaustion or burnout

  • We don’t have to say yes just because we could manage it

  • We don’t need to explain ourselves out of our intuition

So I said no, and it definitely felt uncomfortable and sad. But I also sensed relief and alignment, so I knew I made the right call.

The more I honour my alignment, the more creative clarity I find (which btw is self-determination theory in action).

Is saying ‘no’ something you’re exploring or grappling with, too? I’d love to know.

Use the 3 action prompts below to help you connect with your ‘no’.

 

Action prompts to identify your ‘no’

1. Check in with your body

Prompt:

  • When you imagine saying yes to this, how does that feel in your body?

  • When you imagine saying no, what changes in your body?

  • Does the idea of saying 'yes' feel expansive or constricting? What about saying 'no'?

Tip: Our bodies often signal the truth before our minds catch up. Trust these cues to guide and honour your well-being.

2. Flip the ‘yes’

Prompt: If you say yes to this, what are you saying no to? (Time, energy, values, other people, deeper work, etc …)

Tip: Recognise what you are sacrificing to clarify whether the 'yes' aligns with your priorities.

3. Craft a compassionate 'no'

Prompt: Create your own ‘no’ with care.

Here’s a template you can adapt:

“Thanks for thinking of me. I’ve taken time to reflect, and while I’d love to be involved in this project, I’m unable to commit in the way it deserves. I know it’ll be wonderful, and I hope we can explore opportunities to collaborate in the future."

Tip: A values-aligned no is honest and generous. Clarity is kind and helps to set healthy boundaries.

If you’re familiar with the tension between boundaries and fear of saying 'no', what helps you choose wisely? What do you need to say no to right now? Comment below, I’d love to hear.

 
 

Resources for your creative leadership journey

 

I am committed to honouring the wellbeing, creativity and leadership of every person. If I can help you or your team with this journey please reach out by contacting me here. Learn more about my coaching services here and workshops here.

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Karen McPhail-Bell
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How to know when your work is good enough (and stop overworking)